let's see...

hmm.

today was spent on..

sleeping
eating
sleeping
eating
watching south park
watching south park
watching south park
watching south park
watching south park
watching south park

haha you get the idea.

haiz. i wish u'd just disappear. leave me alone. don't push to me anymore responsibilities that i just can't take. since you know how much i can't be trusted, then why the fuck did you gimme that responsibility and then later scold me for getting it all messed up? you should know how dumb i can get. you should know. cos to you, im always dumb. well, maybe i am.

and please. be nice to those around you. all the time. not only when you need to use us for some shit thing that you wanna do. don't make them suffer under the awkwardness that you always create. always. haiz. can't stand you. and you.

oh and when you receive help, appreciate it. dun go about pointing out how stupid we are. cos one day, retribution will come.

you should try helping you one day. then you'll realise how difficult it is. how fearful it is.

disappointed in you.

i know that if i said all this to you, u'd scream and shout and most prolly try to fight your case and hurl wadever beautiful vocabulary you have at me. and then you'll go on to take it out on whoever and wadever's near you. and then, u'd prolly hurt yourself.

that's why i never said anything. no one has ever said anything. even people who know you are telling me to give in to you. make you happy.

and sacrifice my own. keep everything to myself, no matter how full the bottle is. tell everyone who asks that everything's ok.

so go on. no one's stopping you. everything's ok.

haiz. ok enough. i think im starting to bore you guys out.

hmmm.. yea im still watching south park now.

tomorrow's gonna be so boring. haiz...

and you will never see how much fear adds up when you're around.